The Wrong Kind: Part 2 Younger Men

There is always that moment when you think your getting old. Your single and "old". It happens when your out one night with your girls and a much younger guy comes over and boldly starts to chat you up. Don't get me wrong, the confidence is appreciated but at the same time you just upped my status to that lovely 21st century term: cougar.

I'm not a cougar, puma, or any other animal in the kingdom. That's just not me.

It can be a little flattering to have someone young and attractive (and by young I don't mean a year or two, I'm talking generation gap) come and show interest in you. However, I know it's not going anywhere past that.

I'm looking for long term, marrying, ready to have kids kind of men. From what I've experienced these younger guys are nowhere near that stage emotionally or financially. I should have to "train" or "raise" them. That was their parents job. And just like I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, I'm not looking to be a sugar momma either.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong (after all ladies you know what's best for you). Some people don't mind the gap. Good for them. I'm just not that person. Although the flattery is nice at first the gap is just too wide for me (we're talking Red Sea).

I like being able to make pop culture references of the 80's/90's and actually have someone know what I'm talking about. As well as several other things that may have occurred in my lifetime (words like VHS, dial-up, tape deck, record player etc.). There is also a certain maturity and difference in ideals that people have. People were raised differently than the next generation and the next...

One exception to this I have noticed is in ranching and farming families. No matter the age it seems like they have their head on straight. Manners, maturity, and values are engrained in these generations. This is how I'd like my future kids to be raised.

Even though those above mentioned qualities are super attractive and very much appreciated I still stand beside my ageism in this matter. Like I said though, it's a personal preference. If I'm going to feel "old" I want it to be along with someone else ;-)

The Wrong Kind: Part 1 Way Older Men

Why does it always seem like the guys I'm not attracted to are attracted to me? This question alone is why I have issues with things like online dating. Dating in general really. I've had many conversations with my girl friends about this very subject. Men look at pictures, not necessarily all the information you bother (as required) jotting down on a profile.

Silly little things about your age requirements, last book you read, things you like to do, and so on. Why would anyone want to know about that stuff? (unless they were actually interested in YOU that is). Crazy right? Instead men wink, email, or favorite you without ever actually looking at what your looking for.

Yes, attraction is key. I get that. I want the person I fall head over heels twitterpated for to make me blush and my temperature rise. There are more things that attract a person though. It's more than just that initial chemical reaction. I guess this is where all that opposite sex mumbo jumbo comes in huh?

For once I would just like someone to not only see my looks but beyond that before trying the hard task of saying hello (that whole fear of rejection thing doesn't seem to bother some men at all). Honestly I'm getting tired of winks, emails, roses, and you name it from men who are 45+ years old telling me how they'd like to be my sugar daddy. Really? Um...

No thanks. Take a little time and read what's below the picture. Get to know the woman before you open your mouth and sound like a complete jackass. You might be surprised at what you find. Independence, Intelligence, and a range of many other things.

Maybe, just maybe, then you'll take into consideration what it is I'm (We're) looking for and know your not it. No feelings hurt, no ego bruised. Just walk away quickly and don't look back. Otherwise it's just plain creepy.

Awkward

Why is it that every time I joke around and am nice to guys they think I'm flirting? Wait...I may have just answered my own question. That shows confidence right? Or am I wrong? I'm SO confused!

My only problem... I'm not attracted to these guys. I'm a total spaz around men I'm attracted to. Quiet, reserved, and well postured. 

I know. Weird. 

I don't know what it is but my checks flush, I glow ( yes, I perspire..only a little though), and can barely utter words as well. I'm so busy being nervous that I can't relax. I use to do this whenever I was forced to do presentations in front of the class at school. I say forced because I didn't want to and they required it to pass the class. Horrible. 

Like I said. I'm a spaz. A total spaz. 

I'm improving though. Trying to get out of my comfort zone and get more comfortable in my discomfort. Baby steps but I'm doing it. Now to just attract the right guys...

That's a whole new issue too. I seem to attract the wrong men. I'll save that for the next post. 

My Not So Rockin' New Years Eve

New Year's Eve is a day that some people love, some people hate, and well some people would rather forget...

This New Year's Eve for me unfortunately will be one of those that I would choose to forget. Why? I had a date for the first time on NYE. I was excited, I was nervous (does everyone expect a kiss at midnight?), and because this was the first time this man and I had spent more than an hour together. Sure, we talked on the phone but long distance can be tricky. You work with what you got yah know?

So with the short amount of time that I had to throw together something to do while he was up here, (yes his telling me he was arriving was a last minute thing... I know, I know red flag right?) I chatted up my best friend who let me know there was a NYE team roping going on in the next town. Great, I thought this would give my friends the opportunity to meet him and suss him out a little for me. I've got bad judgment sometimes okay?

The guy tells me he'll be here at noon. He lives about five hours away. Did he bother to get online, use a smart phone and get directions? Did he bring a map? Nope. He just knew what direction to head in. North. 

I gave him slight directions but not everything because he had told me he was going to stop at his sisters or see his mom and get all the directions from them. Did that happen? Nope. What did happen was him getting lost and being over two hours late. Thus, making us late to the roping. Thankfully the roping was going to be going on most all day as there was 150 teams. 

He finally meets me at my house and we hop in his truck and follow my best friend to the roping. Does he say hi or compliment me on how I look? Nope. He tells me I stink. "What did you use the whole bottle this morning or something? Wow, that's strong." Nice to see you too dude...

*please take note that I do NOT over use perfume and have been complimented on many occasions as to how nice I smell, and how light and pretty it is. So there.

To say the least I was taken aback a little by the whole thing (again, red flag right?). Let's just say it was a horrible way to start things off. And it didn't get much better from there. Downhill was the only direction things were going. 

To sum it up I'll make a list.

1. Personalized license plates telling people your a roper ( I thought that was bragging but I might have been wrong?) 

2. Telling a woman she over did it on the perfume (whether joking or not, this is not a good idea).

3. Not introducing yourself to her friends (yes, there are exceptions but if she's trying to introduce you, don't cut her off to ask the friend something before you've been introduced).

4. Opening doors. Is it just me or has this gotten to be old fashioned? I thought men were suppose to open doors, whether in car or not. This is almost like pulling up and honking instead of getting out to knock on the door. Manners please.

5. Making yourself comfortable in someone else's house. If it's your first time there please don't kick off your shoes and plop your butt down on the sofa all stretched out like you own the place. You don't. It's one thing when you've been dating for awhile and know each other, it's another when your just putting your feet in the water. 

6. If the dogs don't like you...

7. Mocking a woman is not funny. And it certainly does not lighten the mood. This includes picking on a woman too. Every move she makes does not need to be commented on/reviewed and criticized. That's what she has friends and family for (again this is when you've just started dating. I like to joke around, can be sarcastic, and do some picking on of my own but I know the appropriate time to do so).

8. Conversation. Try it some time. I know the world thinks that women just like to talk for the sake of talking but truth be told if we're not comfortable, we're not talking. At least, I'm not. 

9. Whining. Women don't want to raise you, your parents should have already done that. And whining in any situation won't get you what you want. It's a turn off. 

10. Awkward hug. Hopefully you can read signals that a woman gives off. Just like women can read your signals most of the time. If she's looking like she's done with the night and just not that into it. Don't keep pushing. 

These are just ten reasons why things didn't go well. I'm more than sure that I could write more. Heck, I could probably spill out the whole story but I just want you to get the picture of what happened. I basically spent my NYE with a whining immature thirteen year old. 

I was done with the date within a few hours but I let it stretch out. Let it finish. Unfortunately since we don't live in the same town I felt obligated to see things through. Just in case he may have been nervous or something. 

I know that's an excuse I was using to justify certain actions but how do you know at the time? I had also invited him to stay in our guest room. Awkward, I know. But this is not how I thought things were going to go. 

Me calling the date short (all I wanted to do was get away). Me going to bed before midnight (no chance for an awkward kiss). Me disconnecting (going to bed and shutting my door). 

I wanted things to work out. They didn't. Am I disappointed? Yes and no. Just because I want things to work out doesn't mean that they will. If it's not right, it's not right and love can't be forced. No matter how bad my mom wants grandchildren.