Your So Much Cooler Online Cont'd

Okay so I replied.

To sum it up all that came out was "Thanks for the email. However, I am not interested. I hope you are able to find who you are looking for".

Yeah.

I didn't really want to give this guy any hope. I have the feeling that if I had been my polite, not so upfront self this guy would not have taken the hint. 

Yes, his profile was THAT bad. Did I mention if you were to print it, it would at least be 6 pages? I could tell by the way he expressed himself and what he had written that his first marriage did not go so well. 

As icing on the cake he decides to let you know upfront in his profile that he has Asthma and polyps in his nose so he talks like he has a cold...

Serious?

How do these guys find me? Not only that but where the heck do they get the idea we have "a lot in common?" I'd like to see you in a saddle with a rope in your hands buddy cause that person has a lot in common with me. Not you. 

Finally I blocked my profile from his. Why? He just gave me that angry hate mail, stalker vibe. 

Good luck guy. And good riddance. 

Your So Much Cooler Online

Or not.

I sign up. Basically because someone (that someone being my mom) offered to pay for it. And as a bonus I signed up on a free site as well. The problem with online dating? No one I am looking to date is typically online. Farmers, ranchers, cowboys...are you hearing me?

I'm looking for this...

Somehow even though I think I've explained that without being rude in my profile. No "please don't email me if..." or "looks are important to me". Assuming that they actually read it I guess is asking too much. Why? I keep getting this instead...

*note I am somewhat of a geek/dork/nerd in my own right and accept that

I appreciate the flirt. It's a compliment. Props to you for putting it out there and saying hi. I, myself, know how tough it is to make initial contact because I'm shy when it involves the opposite sex of whom I am attracted to. I clam up. Quiet as a church mouse and blush red from head to toe if attention is brought in my direction. I'm working on that. 

So I continue to be polite in return. I'll send a thanks but no thanks. After all isn't something better than anything?

But what do you say to something like this?

Wow, you are to lovely of a goddess to be out there single and looking, What little devil let you go out of his life? I would like to as for the honor of getting to know the lovely woman I see and share a lot in common with, my name is J***!

WOW.

(I read his profile. Let's just say it's not any better.) 

I.....uh.....

Got nothing. 

Dear Future Husband,

So I kind of went out in public yesterday. Like this. 

No makeup. Hair a little crazy. 

I just thought I should explain. 

I thought I wasn't going to go out. I thought I was just going to blog in my shorts and tank. Maybe go swimming. That's why I didn't bother. I should have known better. 

I should always know better. 

Something always comes up. 

So if you happen to see me yesterday. I'm sorry. I don't normally look like that when I'm in public. So if we ever meet again. If you ever happen to notice me again. If you were even there at all....I'm sorry. I'll try harder next time to remind myself to expect the unexpected. 

My bad,

Your future wife.

Sunflowers

Why do people feel the need to lie about their situation in life? It will just come back to bite you in the end. I'm a bad liar by nature. It's like a neon sign on my face when I do. Reason #46 why I should never play poker.

I went to a street dance after the stampede two weekends ago and had a blast. This woman likes her country swing dancing. I would like it even better if I could just "let go" and let someone else lead. Working on that. I had some very understanding friends who told me straight out to do just that. Sorry guys.

In the midst of all this fun I met an interesting fellow. He was wondering around, dancing with girls left and right. Disappearing and reappearing again. And as I was dancing with a friend of his, I was at the same time getting the story about him.

That's right guys. Men. You gossip too. It may not be what you call it but it's what happens.

And it is the most amazing conversations when you happen to let it slip out while in the presence of women. Men just let it fly. Women still try to give a little cushion when in the midst of gossip. Men just tell ya straight up. I love that. Rip the band-aid off!

So...anyway back to the dancing....

As I am being twirled around I am getting the goods on this guy. He's new to the group. I've known these other guys for 10 years? And they are great. I learn from the guys that this new guy can be a little annoying, likes to stretch the truth on his profession (he works on a warehouse loading trucks but tells people he walks sunflower fields), and well, can't dance. He looks like one of those toys you press and they collapse.

After we finish the dance my friend then starts in on some more stories. "Don't believe a word he says if he starts telling you some stories...he likes to tell people the bend of his hat rim is cause by walking through sunflower fields..." Ha! Now this is really cracking me up. Of course this new guy is now standing close by so he's seeing every facial expression I am at this point intentionally making in his direction. And he starts moving closer.

I just can't help myself. I have to have a little fun. I've got a small mischievous side. So I say, "great hat...is that from walking through sunflower fields by chance?" It then begins. We converse back and forth and I ask the simple question of whether or not the sunflowers they grow are use for seed or oil. Somehow this shocks the guy (add in a little bit that he may be a little more than tipsy by this point). He asks me "wait..who do you work for?"

I told him the truth. Remember? I can't lie. And somehow he still doesn't believe me. He now thinks I'm some corporate spy from a competing company. This moment has gotten even better than I expected. I'm not having to work very hard to get this guys wheels turning. He's doing it on his own now.

Can you see the sly smile on my face?

He then begins to rapidly ask me some questions in succession (your welcome big sis, I just used another big word in my life). I answer them all truthfully. He still doesn't believe me. He even asks me my name and doesn't believe it. Five minutes later he asks me my name again because he has forgotten it.

I kindly let him know that he already knows it. And I'm not repeating myself. He then asks his friend if this is true. To which he confirms that yes, he does know my name, no it's not Megan, and no I do not work at a sunflower growers.

New guy looks confused. I tell him it's all okay. He'll think of it later. He still looks confused. He spots another girl or a pitcher of beer and walks off. Possibly still in the belief that I am a "spy". I then turn to his friend and smile. To which he says, "that was the best."

Needless to say the point to this post is no matter how honest you are somebody is not going to be the same. You've just got to be able to muddle through the mess and figure out what the BS is and what's not. Most importantly don't fall for it. Your better than that.

Like I told a girl-friend the other day, honesty is always best. I believe that. Not just because I'm a horrible liar. But because there is always someone who knows the truth and will call you on it whether you know it or not.

It also feels better and is the right thing to do. ;-)

Runner Up

Nobody likes coming in second. That's a given. At least for those competitive people. But what about in a situation such as dating?

Is it okay to date a friends ex? Are there limits to this? Does it matter if your male or female? I've always heard the rumors of a man code saying you can't date your friends ex. And I myself at times think it would be weird to date someone that didn't quite work out for my girl friend.

However, I know two very awesome people who met through an ex. He was dating the roommate (girl), they broke up. Now he's engaged to the other roommate (girl). If one thing hasn't lead to another they'd have never met.

It seems to me there would be a lot of missed opportunities for people if they didn't give you a chance because of your past. In more ways than one this applies I'm sure. Divorced people, Ex-Cons...yah know stuff like that.

What I'm talking about though is a conversation like this:

"Meet someone new?"

"Yeah, well....I'll see how it goes. He kind of seems more like your "type" though. If it doesn't work out I'll send him your way."

Here is what goes racing through my mind during this.

Have I somehow indicated that I need help? I'm dating. At least I'm trying to date. He's more my "type"? Then why the heck didn't you pass him to me in the first place? If you know it's not going to work out in the first place why even bother going on the date than just saying, "hey, I have a friend I think you'd be more compatible with". Why are women this way? What has gotten women to just date to date? 


I'm tired of hearing that I'm being picky. Have high standards. Or just need to give him a chance. I don't want to just date to date. If I know it's not going to work why put the two of us through an emotional roller coaster or hurt someone?

I'm just not that person. Never have been. Never will be. And as far as being the girl who gets thrown scraps from her friends...no thanks. Situational? Yes.

If you haven't dated the guy. Okay (as in more than one date).

It's all in the approach and the situation. No woman ever wants to be asked out by a man who just hit on their friend in front of them and got rejected so he moved onto the next warm body. And no woman wants her friend (especially if the friend knows her well) to throw her a bone that way.

Dating is hard enough anyway. Don't let your friends or anyone else for that matter make it harder for you.

I know. Easier said than done.

Nice Girls Finish Last

I wonder if it has ever occurred to men that we women have the same "nice guys finish last" complex.

Or should I say nice girls finish last? Yes, it's true. Sometimes the feminine mind goes there as well. Some other person gets married, has a kid, etc. and the thought can't help but come along. What about me? How come them?

Why are women attracted to jerky guys by a man's standard and men attracted to witchy gals by a women's standard? Is it because they tend to be bolder? More outgoing? Direct even?

It seems to me that I hear a lot of men talk about how women are always attracted to the bad boys. No women ever wants the nice guy. I know that's not true. My girl friends and I have had many conversations regarding this very issue.

Each time all I hear them say is how they would like someone with manners, treats them well, appreciates them, a gentleman who LOVES them.

On the opposite side women are always talking about men wanting the "girl next door/take home to mom" type but instead go straight for the first woman they see in a tight dress or low-cut top. I believe author Steve Harvey referred to this as "sport fishing". I understand that men would like to end up with a nice girl but it makes it hard to believe when women witness time and time again this pattern. Just as much as it makes it hard to believe that women want a gentlemen when they keep chasing the bad boys.

Doesn't this whole thing just seem crazy? We're all just a bunch of walking contradictions. Trying to figure ourselves out is hard enough. We are complex people with complex emotions. I'm going to stop myself before I get all psychoanalytical about it anymore than I have. I've read too much maybe.

So where in all of this does the nice guy and nice girl find one another?

Sometimes I feel like waiting (not always so patiently) for the right man God has planned for me is like asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

Conversation Hearts And Being Single

Ever heard of eating your words or suppressing your feelings? How about eating your feelings? Well..with these lovely little things you can do that easily! And what better day to do it than on a wonderful day like today when everything on T.V., the computer, and in stores reminds you of just how alone you are?

Crunch on one of these babies that says love, sweet talk, etc. and you start to feel a little better. It may be the sugar rush but it helps. 

It's not that I don't like Valentine's Day. I've just never been on the good end of it. I've been stood up, rejected, and found myself year after year alone or working, or both on this day of love. I'm not one to really care about the day itself because I don't think there should have to be a day that you tell the person you love, you love them. 

Valentine's Day throws all that love in single people's faces. We are fully aware that we are loved by our family and friends. My mom and dad make sure that I know this EVERY Valentine's Day. Embarrassing? Yes. Loved? Yes.

It's not a matter for me as a single person about not being loved on Valentine's Day. It's a matter of not having that one person. That other half of your soul person. That love of your life makes your heart beat faster, gets you twitter-pated speechless kind of person. 

I could make a list of all the if only statements I have made or thought when it comes to the possibility of loving someone with all of my heart. One day I hope to be able to do that. God has a plan, waiting is the hard part. 

So for all my single friends, don't give up. And for all my married and non-single friends, embrace the one you love and tell them EVERY day what they mean to you. 

In the meantime I think I'll eat some more chocolate, watch some sappy movie, and try to be patient for that extra love all of you are hopefully getting today. 

The Wrong Kind: Part 2 Younger Men

There is always that moment when you think your getting old. Your single and "old". It happens when your out one night with your girls and a much younger guy comes over and boldly starts to chat you up. Don't get me wrong, the confidence is appreciated but at the same time you just upped my status to that lovely 21st century term: cougar.

I'm not a cougar, puma, or any other animal in the kingdom. That's just not me.

It can be a little flattering to have someone young and attractive (and by young I don't mean a year or two, I'm talking generation gap) come and show interest in you. However, I know it's not going anywhere past that.

I'm looking for long term, marrying, ready to have kids kind of men. From what I've experienced these younger guys are nowhere near that stage emotionally or financially. I should have to "train" or "raise" them. That was their parents job. And just like I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, I'm not looking to be a sugar momma either.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong (after all ladies you know what's best for you). Some people don't mind the gap. Good for them. I'm just not that person. Although the flattery is nice at first the gap is just too wide for me (we're talking Red Sea).

I like being able to make pop culture references of the 80's/90's and actually have someone know what I'm talking about. As well as several other things that may have occurred in my lifetime (words like VHS, dial-up, tape deck, record player etc.). There is also a certain maturity and difference in ideals that people have. People were raised differently than the next generation and the next...

One exception to this I have noticed is in ranching and farming families. No matter the age it seems like they have their head on straight. Manners, maturity, and values are engrained in these generations. This is how I'd like my future kids to be raised.

Even though those above mentioned qualities are super attractive and very much appreciated I still stand beside my ageism in this matter. Like I said though, it's a personal preference. If I'm going to feel "old" I want it to be along with someone else ;-)

The Wrong Kind: Part 1 Way Older Men

Why does it always seem like the guys I'm not attracted to are attracted to me? This question alone is why I have issues with things like online dating. Dating in general really. I've had many conversations with my girl friends about this very subject. Men look at pictures, not necessarily all the information you bother (as required) jotting down on a profile.

Silly little things about your age requirements, last book you read, things you like to do, and so on. Why would anyone want to know about that stuff? (unless they were actually interested in YOU that is). Crazy right? Instead men wink, email, or favorite you without ever actually looking at what your looking for.

Yes, attraction is key. I get that. I want the person I fall head over heels twitterpated for to make me blush and my temperature rise. There are more things that attract a person though. It's more than just that initial chemical reaction. I guess this is where all that opposite sex mumbo jumbo comes in huh?

For once I would just like someone to not only see my looks but beyond that before trying the hard task of saying hello (that whole fear of rejection thing doesn't seem to bother some men at all). Honestly I'm getting tired of winks, emails, roses, and you name it from men who are 45+ years old telling me how they'd like to be my sugar daddy. Really? Um...

No thanks. Take a little time and read what's below the picture. Get to know the woman before you open your mouth and sound like a complete jackass. You might be surprised at what you find. Independence, Intelligence, and a range of many other things.

Maybe, just maybe, then you'll take into consideration what it is I'm (We're) looking for and know your not it. No feelings hurt, no ego bruised. Just walk away quickly and don't look back. Otherwise it's just plain creepy.

Awkward

Why is it that every time I joke around and am nice to guys they think I'm flirting? Wait...I may have just answered my own question. That shows confidence right? Or am I wrong? I'm SO confused!

My only problem... I'm not attracted to these guys. I'm a total spaz around men I'm attracted to. Quiet, reserved, and well postured. 

I know. Weird. 

I don't know what it is but my checks flush, I glow ( yes, I perspire..only a little though), and can barely utter words as well. I'm so busy being nervous that I can't relax. I use to do this whenever I was forced to do presentations in front of the class at school. I say forced because I didn't want to and they required it to pass the class. Horrible. 

Like I said. I'm a spaz. A total spaz. 

I'm improving though. Trying to get out of my comfort zone and get more comfortable in my discomfort. Baby steps but I'm doing it. Now to just attract the right guys...

That's a whole new issue too. I seem to attract the wrong men. I'll save that for the next post. 

My Not So Rockin' New Years Eve

New Year's Eve is a day that some people love, some people hate, and well some people would rather forget...

This New Year's Eve for me unfortunately will be one of those that I would choose to forget. Why? I had a date for the first time on NYE. I was excited, I was nervous (does everyone expect a kiss at midnight?), and because this was the first time this man and I had spent more than an hour together. Sure, we talked on the phone but long distance can be tricky. You work with what you got yah know?

So with the short amount of time that I had to throw together something to do while he was up here, (yes his telling me he was arriving was a last minute thing... I know, I know red flag right?) I chatted up my best friend who let me know there was a NYE team roping going on in the next town. Great, I thought this would give my friends the opportunity to meet him and suss him out a little for me. I've got bad judgment sometimes okay?

The guy tells me he'll be here at noon. He lives about five hours away. Did he bother to get online, use a smart phone and get directions? Did he bring a map? Nope. He just knew what direction to head in. North. 

I gave him slight directions but not everything because he had told me he was going to stop at his sisters or see his mom and get all the directions from them. Did that happen? Nope. What did happen was him getting lost and being over two hours late. Thus, making us late to the roping. Thankfully the roping was going to be going on most all day as there was 150 teams. 

He finally meets me at my house and we hop in his truck and follow my best friend to the roping. Does he say hi or compliment me on how I look? Nope. He tells me I stink. "What did you use the whole bottle this morning or something? Wow, that's strong." Nice to see you too dude...

*please take note that I do NOT over use perfume and have been complimented on many occasions as to how nice I smell, and how light and pretty it is. So there.

To say the least I was taken aback a little by the whole thing (again, red flag right?). Let's just say it was a horrible way to start things off. And it didn't get much better from there. Downhill was the only direction things were going. 

To sum it up I'll make a list.

1. Personalized license plates telling people your a roper ( I thought that was bragging but I might have been wrong?) 

2. Telling a woman she over did it on the perfume (whether joking or not, this is not a good idea).

3. Not introducing yourself to her friends (yes, there are exceptions but if she's trying to introduce you, don't cut her off to ask the friend something before you've been introduced).

4. Opening doors. Is it just me or has this gotten to be old fashioned? I thought men were suppose to open doors, whether in car or not. This is almost like pulling up and honking instead of getting out to knock on the door. Manners please.

5. Making yourself comfortable in someone else's house. If it's your first time there please don't kick off your shoes and plop your butt down on the sofa all stretched out like you own the place. You don't. It's one thing when you've been dating for awhile and know each other, it's another when your just putting your feet in the water. 

6. If the dogs don't like you...

7. Mocking a woman is not funny. And it certainly does not lighten the mood. This includes picking on a woman too. Every move she makes does not need to be commented on/reviewed and criticized. That's what she has friends and family for (again this is when you've just started dating. I like to joke around, can be sarcastic, and do some picking on of my own but I know the appropriate time to do so).

8. Conversation. Try it some time. I know the world thinks that women just like to talk for the sake of talking but truth be told if we're not comfortable, we're not talking. At least, I'm not. 

9. Whining. Women don't want to raise you, your parents should have already done that. And whining in any situation won't get you what you want. It's a turn off. 

10. Awkward hug. Hopefully you can read signals that a woman gives off. Just like women can read your signals most of the time. If she's looking like she's done with the night and just not that into it. Don't keep pushing. 

These are just ten reasons why things didn't go well. I'm more than sure that I could write more. Heck, I could probably spill out the whole story but I just want you to get the picture of what happened. I basically spent my NYE with a whining immature thirteen year old. 

I was done with the date within a few hours but I let it stretch out. Let it finish. Unfortunately since we don't live in the same town I felt obligated to see things through. Just in case he may have been nervous or something. 

I know that's an excuse I was using to justify certain actions but how do you know at the time? I had also invited him to stay in our guest room. Awkward, I know. But this is not how I thought things were going to go. 

Me calling the date short (all I wanted to do was get away). Me going to bed before midnight (no chance for an awkward kiss). Me disconnecting (going to bed and shutting my door). 

I wanted things to work out. They didn't. Am I disappointed? Yes and no. Just because I want things to work out doesn't mean that they will. If it's not right, it's not right and love can't be forced. No matter how bad my mom wants grandchildren.